When all there is to do is breathe

I lay in the dark
Sleeping bairns at my side
And I wonder why my head wishes to dance away from me so frequently

Under the guise of planning and thinking through our family needs for the next day, the next week, the next month, I am effectively making myself absent from this moment.

And I find that painful even though it is all I know!

The baby has been more restless this last few days, especially in the evening. And our next youngest daughter so loud and Present with a capital P

It feels completely understandable that I try to escape!  I'm tired and every minute of my day is used up. All the air time is chocka. It becomes like a sudoku puzzle of ensuring I spend time with each child and give brain space to our accounts,  our food,  and any other loose ends to plait or tie or feather.

But this is to become lost in doing.  Lost in practical,  achieving mode: a lust for action whereas in truth there is a need to Feel,  to Gaze and Laze,  to Breathe. 

To encounter the magic or pain of the moment is to surrender my control and allow something larger than myself to step in for it is not how it appears.

Hmm I'm not convinced by my words!
There is still lots to do!
I wonder how this truth will work out as I bring my attention to it. ....

..

Blessed Be
In peace
A